st trinian's: wicked and often well-armed

Removed from its context as a long-lived British cultural phenomenon, it's possible that Oliver Parker's 2007 St Trinian's makes little sense. This hellish girls' school began life in the comics of Ronald Searle just before WWII, and when he resumed them after the war (and his incarceration in a Japanese camp), the atmosphere darkened considerably. Five books of cartoons were followed by four films in the fifties and sixties arising from the Ealing tradition of comedy which drew heavily on panto and music-hall conventions. These were followed by a remake in 1980 (the Wildcats of St Trinian's), and, in 2007, this more recent addition to the ouevre. It stars Rupert Everett, stepping into the formidable heels of Alastair Sim as both the headmistress and her wastrel brother.



Wikipedia says of St. Trinian's, "Its pupils are wicked and often well-armed." As a general rule, the smaller the girl, the more dangerous she is; it is a pair of ten-year-old twins who are the school's weapons experts, or, as they are introduced, its "answer to the Sopranos." Older girls wrangle their schoolgirl costumes into slatternly streetwalker-wear. Gambling, drinking, smoking and drugs run rampant among all ages. (During a heist, one of the younger girls pulls out a fag and the head girl says, "You're only ten! Plus you're loaded down with volatile explosives.") Blinding and sometimes fatal bootleg vodka and other black-market wares are transported from the basement into the world by intermediary crook Flash Harry (here played by West Ham fan Russell Brand). Any amble through the halls will reveal girls being dropped from upper stairwells or immersed in fishtanks. The biology lab houses deadly biting ants and dangerous reptiles; the Spanish instructor teaches useful phrases like, "But these are not my suitcases. I have never seen this contraband before." As in any girls' school, there are cliques: first-years, emos, geeks, Posh Totties, Chavs. In the end, they all must work together to pull off an art-heist to save the school from bankruptcy.



Even for the uninitiated yank, there is an enjoyable ride here if you can relax into the bouncing spirit of the anarchy. The script is jam-packed full of inside jokes directed at Colin Firth (who plays the Minister of Education determined to make an example of the school), including an ill-fated dog called Mr. Darcy who loves to hump his leg. Although the girls indulge almost constantly in murderous games, nobody really dies (other than poor, doomed Mr. Darcy). The actors had a downright exorbitant amount of fun making this film, so much so that they all returned for a 2009 sequel, St Trinian's II: the Legend of Fritton's Gold, which adds David Tennant to the cast and has yet to swim the Atlantic and reach these shores.

And, in the end, there is something wonderfully satisfying about hearing a little towhead girl roar, "On my command, unleash hell!"